Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts

Monday, January 28, 2013

Follow Your Bliss



What is bliss to you? Is it your family? Your friends? A vast ocean? A deep endless forest? An infinite night sky? A feeling you get when there's nothing more you want because you can hear your own voice above the masses and know you are finally on the path that resonates with your own sense of reason?

Yesterday I spent the day with my friends in Boulder, CO meditating on bliss, making amazing new connections, eating an absolutely sublime brunch, then hiking a lush trail while contemplating what I had meditated on earlier.

What is bliss to me? That. Everything that happened yesterday filled me with a sense of renewal, joy, peace, and complete contentment. It was another confirmation that my, at the time, terrifying decision to change my life was the right one.

A giant smile spreads across my face every time I remember that I regained my freedom by taking back the responsibility for my life. I am no longer living by what other people think I should be doing. I cannot be controlled by money, social expectations of where I should be, or false hierarchies of power built on fear.

Back in June I wrote about putting your dreams and intentions out there in Are You Having the Right Conversation? and 7 months later I am still finding how imperative it is to never stop having that conversation. As I've said so many times before, I love travel, cooking, writing, and making new connections with people. In the past several months, I have been meeting people who share those passions because I've been putting it out there. I talk about it, write about it, dream about it, and post about it on Facebook (apologies to my friends whose News Feeds are flooded with it).

Yesterday, after many failed attempts to hang out, I finally connected with a new friend who shares the same love of travel, adventure, meaningful conversations, and meeting new people as I do, and next week we will discuss how we can collaborate to take those things out into the world.

How freaking exciting is that? These things would likely have never happened had I stayed in my windowless cube working to have enough money to mask my misery.

I can hardly wait to see how these events all play out over the next year. I have feeling that a new adventure is brewing on the horizon.



Sunday, July 22, 2012

Out of 'The Heart of Darkness'

It already feels like a dream. Ten days on a different continent meeting new people, seeing new things, and learning new bits about life and myself... here I am sitting on my bed in my temporary home doing my best to relive each experience, to remember, to carve each moment into reminiscent stone. 

Arriving at the airport completely unsure of myself and surroundings, I quickly found my friend and we took a taxi to where he lives. Guess what? He doesn't live in a mud hut. He lives in a beautiful well-lit house shared with 3 other wonderful people. Exhausted after over 20 hours of travel, I went to sleep fairly early. Over the course of the week I walked the chaotic (sometimes unnerving) dusty crowded streets in Nairobi, camped under a majestic tree in Naivasha, biked through Hell's Gate while watching zebra, antelope, warthogs, baboons, and other wild animals sprint across the land, rode in sardine packed janky matatus (minibuses), swam and lounged on the beach in Diani, feasted on fresh fish prepared by new found friends, and gazed into an endless spectacular star-filled night sky while listening to jazz and drinking whisky with unforgettable people. 

the tree we camped under

in hell's gate


diani beach upon early morning arrival

In so many instances I found myself wishing the moment would never end. Among all of the incredible things to remember, the one that stands out the most was the absolutely sublime night sky. Like an addict, I felt obsessively compelled to partake in its depth whenever I thought of it and it was available for the viewing. I felt so indescribably full of contentment, peace, and joy I wished I could take off and be a part of the endlessness of the brilliantly lit darkness. 


There was virtually not a single other place I would have rather been. I experienced eternity in those precious moments- complete and utter presence in the one and only moment that mattered- the one I was in. 

"If we take eternity to mean not infinite temporal duration but timelessness, then eternal life belongs to those who live in the present." 
-Wittgenstein

I know a lot of people wouldn't have chosen Africa as a place to visit, but I'm finding the majority of the places I want to go aren't on most people's list of desirable places to visit. I want to see as much as I can in the time I have- I don't just want a comfortable novelty; I want the down and dirty of just how different life can be. 

On the flip side of the beautiful paradise like experiences, there was the dirty, chaotic, unnerving, and heartbreaking- every reason why I was warned not to go. I had to be mindful to not drink any water save what I saw properly filtered, boiled, or came in a well sealed bottle. I squatted to pee in holes in the dirt, thankful there were at least walls around it. Walking through the streets would frequently evoke racist slurs yelled at me- much like here, many seemed to think I was Chinese- and it was not well received. I did my best to brush it off and joke that it was like being at home (which, to some degree, it was), but it's off setting to be violently misjudged based on something on which I have zero control. Nairobi at night was scary and I would never walk the swarming streets alone. My friend's bag was skillfully stolen from right beside him at dinner- thankfully it was nothing expensive or irreplaceable, though I was reminded to be grateful for my friend's reminder to hold onto my things before I left. I saw structures that our homeless here wouldn't touch, inhabited by families- small children outside playing with random pieces of plastic in the dirt. Everywhere people were aggressively trying to sell things, to cheat and trick, to make the most money they possibly could to make a living. 

Before arriving at our beach house, we stopped at the police station to report the stolen bag. While sitting in the taxi waiting for our friends, we saw a man wander out of the station crying with blood pouring from a huge gash in his head- our driver explained that 4 men had beaten him. I watched helplessly as he climbed into the police vehicle and was taken to the hospital. 

 I could completely see and understand why so many people would never make the trip to this place that could be so hard, but I never once regretted my decision. The thing I think we tend to forget is that we have our own set of chaotic, unnerving, and heartbreaking situations and circumstances here too, though we are often unaware of how frequently they occur. For whatever reason, it seems to be all many focus on, not just in Kenya, but the entire continent of Africa. Am I saying our situation is the same here as it is there? No. By nature, by location, by resource, by so many variables we are different and we are lucky. But, by that same token, what so many see as a pit of hopeless destitute disease-ridden poverty and corruption is not all there is to the story.

I really barely even got a taste of Kenya in the short time I was there. From the little I saw, I can say there is so much more there than the average U.S. citizen is typically aware of- beyond the hardship, homelessness, AIDS, carnivorous animals, and mud huts there is growing opportunity, people working for a better life and world, friendship, hospitality, innovation, talent- in what has been labeled the heart of darkness, there is light. 

Remember when judging other people, a country, an entire continent that what you know is, likely, not all there is to the story. Novelist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, reminds us in her speech, 'The danger of a single story', "Stories matter. Many stories matter. Stories have been used to disposes and to malign, but stories can also be used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of the people but stories can also repair that broken dignity... When we reject the single story, when we realize that there is never a single story about any place, we regain a kind of paradise."

Kenya opened a new world to me- it, like every other place, contains its own versions of heaven and hell. In everything you do, in every person and place you hear about, find the other stories. It will transform how you think of them. It will also transform how you think of yourself. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Adventure Awaits


The result of another one of my random impulse decisions is coming to fruition today... 

I'm heading to Kenya. Seriously? I kind of can't even believe it myself.

But tomorrow (July 12, 2012 at 830pm EST), after 20+ hours of travel, I will be landing on an entirely different continent in a place completely and utterly unlike any other place I've ever been. 

I.am.so.excited.

And a little nervous, but I suppose that goes with the territory of (yet again) having no idea what I just got myself into.

On that note, I know several people have voiced their concern over my destination choice... Africa- "The Heart of Darkness"- all people talk about is how people die there. I am going to find out how people live (in the midst of my touristy activities). Yes, I realize it is a different culture- there are things going on there that (thankfully) don't generally happen in the U.S. It's also highly unlikely that I'll be greeted by a lion when I walk out of my home here. But here's the thing, much of what people are concerned about (being shot, kidnapped, raped) happens here too- with alarming frequency, might I add. Additionally, let's not forget that we've had a strange flux of humans attempting to eat other humans. We have our own malfunctions here too. I imagine I will have more to say about this upon my return next week. 

That said, yes, of course I will employ caution, awareness, and general common sense. I will do my best to make smart decisions, but I will not let fear make my decisions. I know I talk about death a lot, but I hope I communicate not the morbidity of it, but that it's a big motivator in why I do what I do. Not only because the length of my own life is unknown, but because I want to honor the love invested in me by those I have lost because through their love, lives, and deaths, I am learning how to live.

This adventure is for my friend who I lost 9 years ago this month.

I love you always.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Don't Let Fear Make Your Decisions


"I must say a word abut fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. ...It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always." -Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Sitting in front of my computer at 10pm researching airfare to Kenya a few nights ago, I seriously questioned my latest impulsive decision.

Conversation with self:
"Self, why are you going to Kenya? On your own, nonetheless?"
"Well, I finally have the time and money, I've always wanted to see it, and I have a place to stay..."
"And what if you end up with a place to stay and no one to hang out with... Or what if you end up stranded somewhere?? Wouldn't it be easier to just go visit some place you've already been and hang out with people you know?"
"Yeah, but I'll miss out on so much of life if I allow my fears to make my decisions. I'll figure it out. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people, see new things that will challenge and change my perceptions, and help me to appreciate life more than if I just always stay in the same place because I'm too afraid of the unknowns. I love to travel, and I cannot allow what I fear to stifle what I love."

And there it was. The answer to not only why I decided to go to Kenya when the opportunity arose, but also why I've finally decided to leave all of my familiar comforts to venture out to Colorado to give myself the chance to find what really makes me happy and gives my life meaning. The answer to why I'm going to do all of those things I've always wanted to do, even if it is alone.


For years I had allowed my fears to dictate the direction of my decisions. It is why I stayed at a job for almost 4 years even though I knew I hated as soon as I walked in. It's why I went to a local college to graduate instead of moving away again. It's why I stayed in subpar relationships. I was afraid of letting go of what I knew; I was afraid of change. I was making my decisions based on fear instead of love.

Fear can rob you of the extraordinary life you are meant to live. It will cause you to question your talents and abilities. It will give you a soothingly logical sounding rationale as to why you shouldn't do that potentially risky thing that will have a huge payoff if it works. It can convince you that a good enough life is ok because you don't want to risk giving up a good enough for a great life since going for great involves the risk of failure. Never mind that a failure doesn't mean the end, it just means one way didn't work. Fear won't tell you that- it will tell you if you fail, there's no coming back from it. But don't listen. It's a lie. Don't let fear make your decisions. Trust your gut. Trust your instincts. Trust your heart.  Trust your Self. You won't let you down.



When you make your decisions out of love instead of fear, a whole new world will open up. Opportunities you would have never imagined will seemingly come out of nowhere. Make your decisions out of love for yourself, your future, and those whom you hold dear. Don't let good enough be good enough. Your life depends on it. 

Saturday, May 19, 2012

We Can Live Forever


"The story about how every place I travel to comes down to how I'm going to live. It's the travel that, very literally, keeps me alive. ...If you're going to fight for what you love, don't you have to say yes? ...I may suck at playing musical instruments, and I can't paint even a crooked line well, but I can travel. By doing so, I meet the world on its terms, which teaches me how to be honest with what the day is, instead of what I think it should be. And by doing so I find the best way to make now work no matter what then used to be ...I learn it's not a matter of better or worse, but simply this or that. ...Every time I board a plane, I'm taking out the fire, all the noise of daily life, and keeping only what's necessary: hope, amazement, love. ...Your only moral obligation in life is to make the people you love smile, which you do by being the best version of you that you can possibly be. Not the scared, sick, distracted you rushing through the world and trying to get it all in before it's too late, but the you that says yes. The you that helps them say yes. ...Life, the world, are not buckets to fill: they are bedtime stories to tell."
- excerpts from "Cheating Death" by Edward Readicker-Henderson  

Randomly, I picked up a National Geographic Traveler at the bookstore today thinking I'd find some new ideas of where to go this summer. Flipping through the glossy pages filled with breath-taking views and hoping to, one day, be even half as wildly inspirational as some of the people featured and writing, I came across the article "Cheating Death" by Edward Readicker-Henderson. In bold letters heading the story, "Every time his doctors tell him to stay put, he heads out-- because traveling may be the only thing keeping him alive." I immediately had flashbacks of 10 years ago when my doctor said, "I don't think you should move to Hawaii. People like you are high-risk. You'll keep relapsing... and it won't be good for you to be so far from home." To this day, I know that move saved my life. Literally. I had to know what this man had to say about something that, for over 10 years, has been what feeds my soul and keeps the very spirit of me alive.

Now, allow me to add just a bit of clarity here, no, I don't have a terminal illness that I'm aware of. At that point in my life, as I had mentioned in my previous post, I was lucky to make it out of some of my most painful and tragic years alive. Details, in this instance, are unnecessary and superfluous, but if you're super curious, perhaps we can meet over coffee and chat.

Returning to the point of this, what I found even more poignant than his heartfelt expression of his love and absolute need to travel were the lessons he learned. At the end of it all, he learns to be present with life, with himself, and with what (who) he loves. What we love is all that matters. Quoting the poet Frank O'Hara he  mused "We fight for what we love, not are." We might be sick and dying, we might be scared shitless of everything, but we have a choice to either succumb and say no to life while wasting away until it's over, or we say yes, and we fight to live our best lives and be our best selves- not only for us (though, first for us), but for what we love, because we are no good for what we love if we're too busy focusing on our fear. 

Hopeless (hopeful?) romantic that I am (shh.. don't tell anyone), I felt my heart both melt and find a new resolve when reading, "I can't worry about my days being numbered when I know I've already lived forever over a lingering breakfast in Venice with the woman who keeps my heart beating as I stare at her..." The end of our lives could be staring us in the face, but that which we love reminds us we are infinite in each and every moment we are present. When we know who and what we love, we know the answer to the 'why' of our lives- however long they are.


Moral of this story? Go out and find what makes you come alive, literally and/or figuratively. Whether it's travel, music, rocket science, art, gardening, cooking- find what makes your heart beat, takes your breath away, and leaves you awestruck for your place in this world because it can not only save your life, it can give you a whole new one.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Learning a New Language

Learning a new language opens an entire body of information that frequently has no direct translation into other languages. It opens a whole new world. While I didn't literally learn a new language in Belize, I found myself learning new worlds- worlds that have no direct translation in my every day existence, so communicating them here will be sketchy at best, but I'll try because they should be known. You should go see them for yourselves, really.

Since my time in Hawaii, the ocean has been a mirror metaphor of life and myself. It is where I find myself balanced, and at the same time forced to face myself- my hopes, fears, inhibitions, dreams, strengths, and weaknesses. In Hawaii I navigated myself through learning to surf the surface of the ocean; facing my fears and finding balance while being propelled forward. In Belize, I found myself 50-60 feet under the water. Completely submerged, it was a strange sensation of claustrophobia combined with an overwhelming sense of the vast openness that lay before me. On land, you can get lost in the maze of stuff. Under water, you can get lost because there's nothing for miles and miles but an expanse of deep blue. In that expanse there's a world of living things that are nothing short of amazing. A huge 100ish year old sea turtle swimming towards you just a few feet away won't fade from memory anytime soon- nor will the discovery of a shark tucked away in the rocks. Everything is alive, and surviving in an environment that would kill us without gadgets to help us breathe. And your breath becomes a focal point only in that you have to breathe through the fear of not being able to breathe- because you can (so long as your tank isn't empty). As you adjust, breathing becomes calm and rhythmic, and as bubbles rise to the surface, a glance up to follow them reveals a bright sun piercing through the depths- a reminder of the sky so far above. A glance down and the ocean's depth almost seems to be as infinite as the heavens.  Here we were suspended between the two. Absolute silence drew everyone to the very present moment, able to communicate through only a few hand gestures- here we learned reverence for our place in this world, each other, and life itself.

After 2 days living in over water cabanas at Hugh Parkey's Adventure Lodge, we were transported to Maruba Jungle Spa and Resort in Maskall.

My room at Hugh Parkey's Adventure Lodge

My room at Maruba Jungle Spa and Resort

As you can see, completely different styles- both awesome in their own ways.

Here's Maya- fierce jungle dog; protector of the grounds:



On our second day at Maruba, we went cave tubing. Here again, we found ourselves in a dark silence, but a completely different kind of silence than when in the ocean. We circled up and chanted a few long resounding OMs in the darkness before turning on our headlights and paddling our way through the caves- occasionally getting stuck on the rocks in low spots, and yelling 'butt up!' to the others coming behind us.

entering the cave

lighted opening

light at the end of the tunnel (cave)

out in the open

sky above

After tubing, we went zip lining. I thought I had a fear of heights, but apparently my time guiding myself through my fears during scuba diving prepared me for launching myself off a platform hundreds of feet off the ground flying down a 700 foot long line. Go figure.

The day after cave tubing, we went to the Mayan ruins in Lamani. A boat transported us an hour away making the occasional pit stop to let a monkey on board.


Once we arrived, we had a Belizian lunch, and headed into the jungle. About 15 minutes in there was a torrential downpour. We made it to the first site completely drenched, but no one cared. We were taken in by the incredible structure in front of us, and the fact that these were built ages before our modern technology and machinery. 

accepting that I'm soaked and look like a drowned rat

this was a rather steep set of stairs that challenged
 balance because they were wet and corroded

Jaguar Temple

After a long day of boat rides, hiking, and climbing temples, we returned to the resort to clean up and nap before dinner. 

Now, I should take this moment to tell you all a secret. During all of these amazing adventures, I was still distracted by one thing from home (and only one, mind you). Remember that last post about the interview at Eagle Rock in Estes Park, CO? I was (guiltily) regularly heading to the lounge area of the resort where there was sketchy wifi access so I could check my email. I suppose I could have waited until I got home, but either way, I wanted to know if I got the fellowship while I was away. If I was rejected (again) I was away from everything and could deal with the rejection in a place with much better distractions than Mechanicsburg, PA, or if I was accepted- what better place to celebrate than in Belize with a bunch of friends? I had checked a few nights in a row with nothing in my inbox but junk mail, but tonight... tonight was different. I waited a few moments for my phone to connect and watched my inbox clock "checking for mail..." while I ordered a hibiscus mojito. Still clocking, I took a sip of my mojito then heard a "dinngg" I look down and see an email with the subject line "Fellowship." Ok, deep breath... "this could go either way" I tell myself. "You've already got a plan if it's a no because you thought it was no months ago." I open the email and the first lines reads "I think I got an email from you saying you would be out of the country for the week so I am emailing to offer you the fellowship for the next year." 


I nearly fell off of my chair. I re-read it a few times to make sure I wasn't misreading. Once I was certain I read it right, I started shaking. Seriously? Did I just land a position that will unquestionably change my life forever? One that I can, for the first time, pour my heart and soul into and see growth and progression? The rest of the group arrived and we celebrated our being in Belize and my new path. 


My life is completely changing course because I decided staying in a job I hate for stability to cultivate a comfortably numb existence isn't good enough. I want to be proud of my life in those last moments before it ends- whenever that is. Now, for the first time in awhile, I can honestly say I'm proud of what I'm doing. I'm about to learn a new language that doesn't involve rationalization because I sold my soul to pay my rent- instead it will be a language of meaning, love, and passion.


"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain."
-Shawshank Redemption