Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Are You Having the Right Conversation?

What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean "right" conversation?

Here, let me explain. Up until about 7 months ago, I was having all of the "wrong" conversations. I was depressed and miserable. It's all I thought about. It's all I talked about. My co-workers and I commiserated countless hours about how much we hated our jobs. We talked about how much we hated our jobs when we weren't at work. I even talked about it to people who didn't work with me outside of work. It pervaded every aspect of my life. People say that work is just a fraction of your life, but here's the thing: It's a very LARGE fraction of your life, and if you hate that large of a fraction, it is inevitably going to taint the rest of your life too.

November 2011, I made a decision to gather every bit of resolve I had, stop bitching about my shitty situation, and change my life. I never used to subscribe to the cheesy sounding phrases like, “At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.” (Goethe) or “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” (Coehlo).

"Bullshit." I always thought to myself.

But here I am 7 months after making the decision to blindly step out and accept the consequences of defying all rational sounding logic and reason, and found the need to revise my perception of what I used to dub 'cheesy new agey bullshit.' Since I've begun taking steps to pursue a passionate meaningful path, I've been meeting others who are doing the same- sometimes in the most unexpected times and places. Every one of these connections has had a gift to offer, whether it was another connection, a lead into something that might be interesting/productive (which is how I found and landed the fellowship), encouragment and/or inspiration for my journey.

A friend and I were discussing the parallels in our lives, and I told him what I just told you. His response:

"The universe conspiring? Yeah, I thought that was bullshit, too. All I can say is that I've learned to rethink that. I don't even think it's that cryptic. I just think that when you're NOT having the right conversation and expressing your dreams and interests, then you don't see opportunities that are all around you all the time."

When I read that, I stopped and thought, "Oh my gosh. Without even realizing it, my vocabulary has changed completely." I've (mostly) stopped bitching about my job and now when I speak, it's about the changes I've been making and about the passion I'm purusing. It's about living life to the fullest- I mean REALLY living it, and not just ferverntly swearing you're going to live it after someone dies and forgetting about the resolve a few months later.

Because I stopped stifling myself with my own dark depressing confines, I opened up and am able to have productive conversations with others who share in the desire to lead lives of passionate meaning and joy. Those conversations spark inspiration, hold me accountable, and propel me forward.

So here's a challenge- watch your conversations over the next week. Are they confining and limiting or are they encouraging and expansive? Do you feel depressed and heavy or inspired and energetic? Make an effort to mindfully change the way you speak. Put your dreams and desires out there- they have a way of coming back to you with quality company and opportunities attached.


  1. I admit I am fully on board with cheesy new age bullshit. But life has been challenging lately and to some degree I have reverted to negativity when I need to be the most positive. Thanks for the reminder and I take your challenge. Thank you.

    1. remember, if you ever want a drink and vent session, you know how to find me. :)

  2. Wonderful reminder, and well said.

  3. You nailed it. A conversation that is about nothing but hating something will never be productive.