Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Day I Found My Freedom

The day I found my freedom is the day I decided to walk away from secure stability. 

I was thinking about my life changes, and realized I've never felt so utterly free. I've never had that feeling before- I've been doing what I'm "supposed to be doing" for a large portion of my life. All the while I've felt trapped- I've literally developed claustrophobia from feeling caged. This is the first time I'm letting go of everything that sounds reasonable/logical/grown-up and diving head first into uncertain opportunity to lead a life that so many think only the lucky can have. And maybe they're right. Maybe it is only the lucky that can have it, but I think the lucky are 'regular' people who've realized they own their fate. We are not pawns in some silly predestined game so no matter what we do, the outcome will be the same. We get to choose our paths.

I found a blog entry I wrote in 2009 that almost seems to be a foreshadowing of now: 
A feral heart- uncontainable by dogmatic rituals and traditions guiding a calm comfortable course of existence. Wild spirit pacing like a caged animal... waiting. Waiting for the doors to open- for the light to pour through from a world waiting to be torn into-- to be explored and discovered-- to be known intimately in only the way a predator understands its prey. Endless appetite- insatiable hunger for a solid opportunity in which to sink eager barred teeth. Ready. Ready for the main course- hidden in the depths of lightened darkness- crouching in wait for the opportune moment.
This is it. 

This year will be one of the most life changing years of my existence because I'm running into the midnight of my fear to find my dawn.

I was waiting for myself to figure out I had the key to my cage.

This is it.

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