Monday, December 26, 2011

The Choice is Yours... or in this case, mine.

Welcome. This is the first of (hopefully) many posts. I decided I'm not making any new year's resolutions because new year's resolutions are notoriously broken. I want my words to be more than empty intentions- I want them to hold power and meaning. So, the creation of this blog is not part of a resolution, but instead it is a step towards cultivating an outlet that has been, at some points, referred to as a talent.

That said- I made a decision last week. One that I have only flirted with over the last few years with no real intention of commitment... until now.

I have... ::drum roll please:: officially decided to move to Boulder, CO this summer. After returning to Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania nearly 7 years ago, the time has come for me to move on again. The decision was not an easy one as I have all of the stereotypical comforts that can so easily bind one to where they are. I have a stable well paying job, a wonderful apartment, several close friends, my family, and the hardest of them all to leave: familiarity. For better or for worse, I know what to expect here. It's terrifying to uproot and leave all I know behind- all that is so predictable. But what's more terrifying than leaving is staying. I know what I have to look forward to when I wake up in the morning; a job that I loathe that so graciously pays my bills. A tender care that was slowly leeching the very life out of my spirit in such a way that I could have slipped into decades of hating my job and believing it was supposed to be that way. We've all heard it, I'm sure many of us have even bought into the belief "It's work. It's supposed to suck." But mid-December I was surrounded by some of the most passionate motivated people I have ever encountered... people I am lucky enough to call friends. They reminded me that "work is your love made visible." We spend too large of a fraction of our lives working to be apathetic about what we're doing, or worse- hating it.

I have spent too much time trying to convince myself that I just needed to change my perception- settle down and deal with the fact that this was my life. Sometimes, yes, we do need to change our perception and make the best of whatever we are doing. Other times, that nagging sense that something isn't right is there for a reason. Sometimes it's our Self telling us we can do better. Too often we perfect silencing that voice instead of listening to it because there are times, such as now, when it's telling us to do something that throws us way out of our comfort zones, and challenges everything we've ever known or believed.

I have no plan. I have no job set up. I have no place to live. I am going to sell off the majority of my possessions, pack up my car, and make a 29ish hour drive with the hope the "net will appear when I jump." On the flip side of that- I do have an unbelievable network of friends and support. One that I would have never expected or imagined when I made the decision. A big lesson I'm learning is that of trust- learning to trust the universe to provide what I need, trusting my friends to be there, and trusting myself to make the best decisions I can for my life. I spent a lot of years building necessary but isolating walls to get through. Now, those walls are no longer needed, and I'm learning that it is not weakness to not be alone. I used to think I had to shoulder everything that came my way on my own, and of course, there are certain things that are my responsibility alone; however, there is no weakness in allowing people to love you- to be there to encourage and support when it is needed.

Over the course of the next 6-7 months, this will be where you can read about my plans, fears, apprehensions, hopes, excitement, and the general transformation of a girl (me) who is about to leave everything she's ever known behind in order to give herself the chance to find out what she's good at, what makes her happy, and to grow into her Self.

Here's to the journey. Cheers.


  1. Fascinating post and I plan to read all as you continue to write! More later.....

  2. I applaud your courage and your determination to live the life you want to live. This reminds me of one of my very favorite quotes that continues to inspire my life. Not sure who said it.... "Enjoy life! This is not a rehearsal."

  3. Good news! Martini night can continue uninterrupted in Boulder! My niece Abby will sit in for me, you'll have a great time.